| "Our Story" from the book Fun Loving: How to Have A Practically Perfect Relationship |
OUR STORY
Let me tell you how our relationship started. Jennifer and I were high school sweethearts. She
was fifteen and I was seventeen years old when a family friend suggested that we meet. I
discovered that Jennifer was a volunteer at the Kaweah Delta District Hospital in Visalia,
California where I worked as a dietary aide, but we had not yet been introduced. One day I
passed by a young girl standing near the elevator. “Are you Bryan?” she asked. I stopped in my
tracks, realizing who this must be. “Jennifer?” I responded.
In that moment, fireworks went off like the Fourth of July right there in the middle of the
hallway next to the elevators. It was the beginning of our long and great love. I understand
there is a plaque there to this day commemorating that great event. Well . . . there should be
one.
I was a moody teenager with little direction in life and Jennifer was a bubbly girl for whom
there were no gloomy days. She brought light to my life and I quickly fell in love with her. She
enjoyed my dark side. Our infatuation led to a pregnancy that was, as you can imagine,
untimely.
Getting a girl pregnant throws a boy into a world of confusion, like being caught up in a Kansas
tornado but landing in a Brothers Grimm fairy tale. Initially, I suffered from undying optimism
with my wannabe-hippie sub-culture idealism. “It’s all cool. Don’t freak out, man. This has
happened before and people make it. You know . . . plenty of families have started under worse
circumstances and have done just fine. It’s really no problem, man, everything is cool, man.” I
was certain that Jennifer would be a great mother and that together we would not only survive,
we would thrive . . . somehow.
But I hadn’t thought about the little things like how I would provide for my new family, how I
would pay for the medical expenses, how my parents would respond, how Jennifer’s parents
would respond, how our pregnancy would affect my education, what about Jennifer’s
education, where would we live? As I look back now I just shake my head in disbelief about
how naïve and idealistic I was. I was brave and “hippy” cool, but ignorant. The reality was not
“cool” at all.
Our families immediately went into crisis mode. When Jennifer told her mom about the
pregnancy, her mom didn’t speak to her for days. Jennifer was virtually isolated and I was
strictly off limits. We had to sneak phone calls. My parents were against us getting married.
They didn’t offer any financial support and my dad threatened to stay away from the wedding.
(On the day of the wedding I wasn’t sure he would show up.) On top of that, I had to appear in
court. Jennifer was underage and we needed the permission of her parents and a judge to
marry. I had never experienced the solemnity and formality of court before and I was tail-
between-my-legs intimidated. I could barely give one word responses to the judge’s questions.
There was no money for us, period. We had no savings, no checking account and we had to
scrounge for funds for an apartment. We had to negotiate public assistance for medical
coverage. I had to quit college and work full time for meager hourly wages as a Nursing
Assistant. (I had to shove my long hair under a short hair wig per hospital regulations rather
than submit to the tyranny of the authority.). It was embarrassing, humbling and Grimm like. I
was scared, but more than that I was completely oblivious of the awesome and onerous task of
caring for a baby. Reality was setting in faster than Jennifer’s belly grew. If it hadn’t been for
the practical faith and help of Jennifer’s parents, I don’t know what we would have done.
Before we could be married, premarital counseling was required by the church. To their credit,
the church had a counseling center staffed by a licensed psychologist. After a grueling
afternoon of compatibility testing, the psychologist sat us down and delivered some bad new.
We were not compatible. Our temperament analysis revealed that Jennifer was too assertive
and I was too passive. He recommended that we not marry. Actually you did not have to be a
rocket scientist to figure out that we had little going for us. We were both teenagers; we had
next to no financial resources; our families were less than supportive; we were pregnant; and
now the psychologist said we were incompatible. The odds were against us; in fact, I would say
that our situation was a prescription for a disaster!
And that is how it all began. Now, all these years later, Jennifer and I are a statistical oddity; we
are still married. But our longevity is not the main point here. No, lots of couples have been
married a long time, but miserably. We actually have deep love for each other. . . and we are
best friends.
So we write this book as a testimony to what is possible in what seems like an impossible
relationship. This book is a story of hope and some good strategies too. We hope that you may
be encouraged and inspired by our “practically perfect” relationship.
Let me tell you how our relationship started. Jennifer and I were high school sweethearts. She
was fifteen and I was seventeen years old when a family friend suggested that we meet. I
discovered that Jennifer was a volunteer at the Kaweah Delta District Hospital in Visalia,
California where I worked as a dietary aide, but we had not yet been introduced. One day I
passed by a young girl standing near the elevator. “Are you Bryan?” she asked. I stopped in my
tracks, realizing who this must be. “Jennifer?” I responded.
In that moment, fireworks went off like the Fourth of July right there in the middle of the
hallway next to the elevators. It was the beginning of our long and great love. I understand
there is a plaque there to this day commemorating that great event. Well . . . there should be
one.
I was a moody teenager with little direction in life and Jennifer was a bubbly girl for whom
there were no gloomy days. She brought light to my life and I quickly fell in love with her. She
enjoyed my dark side. Our infatuation led to a pregnancy that was, as you can imagine,
untimely.
Getting a girl pregnant throws a boy into a world of confusion, like being caught up in a Kansas
tornado but landing in a Brothers Grimm fairy tale. Initially, I suffered from undying optimism
with my wannabe-hippie sub-culture idealism. “It’s all cool. Don’t freak out, man. This has
happened before and people make it. You know . . . plenty of families have started under worse
circumstances and have done just fine. It’s really no problem, man, everything is cool, man.” I
was certain that Jennifer would be a great mother and that together we would not only survive,
we would thrive . . . somehow.
But I hadn’t thought about the little things like how I would provide for my new family, how I
would pay for the medical expenses, how my parents would respond, how Jennifer’s parents
would respond, how our pregnancy would affect my education, what about Jennifer’s
education, where would we live? As I look back now I just shake my head in disbelief about
how naïve and idealistic I was. I was brave and “hippy” cool, but ignorant. The reality was not
“cool” at all.
Our families immediately went into crisis mode. When Jennifer told her mom about the
pregnancy, her mom didn’t speak to her for days. Jennifer was virtually isolated and I was
strictly off limits. We had to sneak phone calls. My parents were against us getting married.
They didn’t offer any financial support and my dad threatened to stay away from the wedding.
(On the day of the wedding I wasn’t sure he would show up.) On top of that, I had to appear in
court. Jennifer was underage and we needed the permission of her parents and a judge to
marry. I had never experienced the solemnity and formality of court before and I was tail-
between-my-legs intimidated. I could barely give one word responses to the judge’s questions.
There was no money for us, period. We had no savings, no checking account and we had to
scrounge for funds for an apartment. We had to negotiate public assistance for medical
coverage. I had to quit college and work full time for meager hourly wages as a Nursing
Assistant. (I had to shove my long hair under a short hair wig per hospital regulations rather
than submit to the tyranny of the authority.). It was embarrassing, humbling and Grimm like. I
was scared, but more than that I was completely oblivious of the awesome and onerous task of
caring for a baby. Reality was setting in faster than Jennifer’s belly grew. If it hadn’t been for
the practical faith and help of Jennifer’s parents, I don’t know what we would have done.
Before we could be married, premarital counseling was required by the church. To their credit,
the church had a counseling center staffed by a licensed psychologist. After a grueling
afternoon of compatibility testing, the psychologist sat us down and delivered some bad new.
We were not compatible. Our temperament analysis revealed that Jennifer was too assertive
and I was too passive. He recommended that we not marry. Actually you did not have to be a
rocket scientist to figure out that we had little going for us. We were both teenagers; we had
next to no financial resources; our families were less than supportive; we were pregnant; and
now the psychologist said we were incompatible. The odds were against us; in fact, I would say
that our situation was a prescription for a disaster!
And that is how it all began. Now, all these years later, Jennifer and I are a statistical oddity; we
are still married. But our longevity is not the main point here. No, lots of couples have been
married a long time, but miserably. We actually have deep love for each other. . . and we are
best friends.
So we write this book as a testimony to what is possible in what seems like an impossible
relationship. This book is a story of hope and some good strategies too. We hope that you may
be encouraged and inspired by our “practically perfect” relationship.